Entwined
by TurnMyGriefToGrace
Summary: This is a post "I Was Made for Lovin' You" one shot. MerDer, as always. Very spoilery if you haven't seen episode 9.07. Meredith and Derek discusses the events of the night before, with a little Zola mixed in, just because she's too adorable not to include. Enjoy, and please let me know what you think!


**Disclaimer: Shonda owns the show. Tim Myers owns the song used for the title. I'm just a stressed out nursing student that should be studying pharmacology instead of writing one shots. But after the perfection that was the last episode, I couldn't help myself. This is just something short and sweet, but very spoilery if you haven't seen 9.07.  
**

**Enjoy!  
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It's not in Meredith's nature to be hopeful. Life has pulled the rug out from under her too many times, so she knows better than to have improbable fantasies about things that, as a string of fertility doctors have stated so tactfully, were statistically not in their favor.

That's why when she peed on a test two days ago, she subsequently peed on three more, because the word _Pregnant_ looked so foreign it may as well have been written in hieroglyphics.

But sure enough, one hour and two chugged water bottles later, there they were, all four lined up on the bathroom counter like soldiers.

Pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant.

She would have taken a fifth, but Zola toddled into the bathroom, staring at Meredith with interest.

"Pee-pee, Ma?" she asks, wearing Derek's ferryboat scrub cap over her pigtails.

More and more of their own clothes had made their way into Zola's dress up box, and Meredith had to admit, she didn't know who looked cuter in it, her husband or her daughter.

"Yeah. Mommy peed a lot," Meredith says. She turns around to wipe her eyes on the sleeve of her shirt, hiding her tears, so Zola wouldn't worry.

Zola cocks her head. "Mommy pay?"

"Sure, let's go play."

Meredith grabs the tests off the counter and kneels down to open the cabinet under the sink. She drops all four sticks into her box of tampons where she knows Derek won't look. As she closes the cabinet door, she silently hopes she won't need to use those tampons for the next nine months.

But all the anxiety and fear was worth it for the look on Derek's face last night. It was the face she never got to see the last time she'd been pregnant, the one that she dreamed about for two years now. For once, _she_ got to take _his_ breath away, and the memory of that would be etched into her mind for the rest of her life.

They celebrated by cashing in the rain check for the dirty sex she'd promised him two years ago when she visited him in his office, minutes before the hospital descended into hell.

The physical damage of that day had long since healed, but the emotional trauma of it all still ebbed and flowed, and Meredith wakes the next morning equal parts thrilled and terrified. She carefully removes Derek's arm from over her hip and rolls over onto her back, lifting up Derek's button down shirt that she'd put on during the night.

Meredith runs her fingers over the flat pane of her abdomen. There's no bump yet, not even the tiniest, little pouch, which she knows is normal at three weeks, even three months for some women. But still, she can't help but wish she could snap her fingers and get to the day when the first signs of baby belly appeared. Every day closer to his or her due date would let them breathe easier.

Derek shuffles beneath the covers as he wakes up, smiling when he sees her with her palms splayed on her stomach. "Morning," he says through a yawn. He slides one hand under her pillow and puts the other next to hers.

"Morning."

"How'd you sleep?" he asks, the warmth of his hand seeping into her skin.

Meredith looks over at him and smiles. "Well, you wore me out last night, so pretty damn good," she laughs.

"I was just trying to keep up with you." Derek presses a kiss to her temple, then nuzzles his nose in her hair. "How are you feeling?"

"You mean other than being scared to death? I feel good," Meredith says. There's no point in lying. She _is_ scared to death, and she knows that feeling won't go away until the baby is in her arms thirty-seven weeks from now.

"I know you're scared," he admits. "But we can't think like that, especially you. Stress does neither of you any good."

"Neither of us," Meredith considers. Us. Plural. Two in one, as though she and the baby are a team. The thought comforts her, and she shuffles closer until she's pressed against Derek. "Are you scared?"

"No."

"No?" she asks.

"No."

"Now who's the optimist?" Meredith teases him. "Why aren't you scared?"

"Because. We never thought we'd have Zo, and now, we can't imagine our lives without her in it. If you hadn't miscarried, we wouldn't have her. The way I see it, she was always meant to be our first. And this baby in here was just waiting. Once we were ready, boom, we got another miracle," Derek says, lacing his fingers through hers.

He squeezes her hand and Meredith squeezes back. "I hope so," she whispers.

"I know so." Derek says it like it's a promise, and she lets herself believe him.

"You may have to tell me that every day for the next eight months."

"You got it," Derek grins. "Plus, he or she really is getting the best big sister ever."

"I don't know when we should tell her. Biological child or not, she still got your chattiness. Once we tell her, it's gonna travel all over the hospital," Meredith giggles, mostly because it's the truth, and they both know it.

Derek rubs his hand over her belly. "Well, she'll figure it out eventually. And you're tiny, so it'll probably be sooner rather than later."

"I can't wait," Meredith admits.

"Me either."

"I never made it to the bump stage last time. The only thing I got was morning sickness, and then it was just... over."

She can still remember the hot blood running down her legs and the feeling of being stabbed from the inside out as she lost the baby she'd only known about for a few hours but already loved so completely. As much as she tries to forget that day, she can't. She's since resigned herself to the fact that she never will.

The happy smile on Derek's face dissolves into a frown. "I know," he nods.

"I already have all these plans running through my head, and it almost feels like I'm tempting fate," Meredith says, exhaling slowly. "Is that crazy?"

"No. You're a mom. It would be crazy if you didn't feel that way," Derek says honestly. "So, you have plans, huh? What are they?" he encourages.

"I was thinking we could make the nursery the room next to Zo's. Both of those rooms get a lot of sun. You know, whenever it's actually sunny in Seattle. Zola will probably have her big girl bed by then, so we can just re-use all of her stuff, like the crib and the changing table. I don't know if you want to find out the sex or not. Yellow is always good for either. Or if we found out, we could do something princessy or Yankees. I hate both of those, but as long as we get a healthy kid, I don't care what the theme is," Meredith rambles.

Derek's stomach flip flops at the thought of having a second child sleeping across the hall. "I may have to get that Yankees thing in writing," he jokes.

Meredith rolls her eyes playfully. "Funny," she says.

"I don't care either, though. Being surprised could be fun, too."

"We'll be happy either way, peanut," Meredith tells her belly before she realizes she's doing it. The smile returns to Derek's face, one so big that it reaches his eyes, and Meredith blushes under his stare when he says nothing. "What?"

"Nothing. I just... you talking to the baby. I always wondered if I'd get the chance to hear that. God, it's better than I could've ever hoped," Derek says.

Meredith rolls back on top of him, straddling his hips with one leg on each side. Maybe it was the extra surge of hormones or the happiness or both, but she feels the urge to pick up where they left off last night, and she leans down to kiss him. "I love you," she murmurs against his lips.

"I love you, too," he says, removing his shirt from her shoulders, so it pooled around her waist. Though she was only three weeks pregnant, her body already looked different to him. Their child was housed safely inside her, and the knowledge of that made him revere her even more than he already did.

Just as she pulled her hands through his hair and went to kiss him again, there was a tiny knock at their bedroom door, and they both froze. "Crap. Did she..." Meredith says in confusion, rolling off of him. She slips the shirt back on and clumsily does a few of the buttons before hopping into a pair of her pajama pants. She tosses Derek a pair of sweats and a t-shirt from his drawer. "Get dressed."

"Zo come in?" Zola asks from the hall.

Meredith makes sure Derek is hidden under the covers as he puts his clothes on, then opens the door. "Hey, Zozo. How'd you get out of your crib?" she asks, more impressed than anything else.

"I climb out," Zola states, as though the answer were obvious. She toddles over to her parents' bed, holding up her arms. "Da, up!"

Derek reaches for his daughter and scoops her up into his arms. "Morning, little monkey. You climbed out of your crib all by yourself?"

"Yeah," Zola says. She cuddles next to Derek, then pats Meredith's side of the mattress. "Mommy in."

"She may have gotten the chattiness from me, but she got your bossy side," Derek says as Meredith joins them.

She snuggles Zola into her lap and kisses the top of her head. "Yes, well, if the next one is a girl, too, you're really out of luck."

"I didn't stand a chance, even with the two of you," Derek points out, though he wouldn't have it any other way. He kisses Zola next, on the cheek this time. "Looks like someone may need that big girl bed sooner than we thought."

Zola's mouth forms a tiny 'o' shape. "Me bed?"

"Yes, your very own bed. Maybe Santa will bring you one," Meredith says.

"And me doggy?" Zola tries. Even a month shy of two, she knows she has both of her parents wrapped around her little finger, something she uses to her advantage every chance she gets.

Derek laughs. "I don't know about a doggy, Zo. But we'll have an even better surprise for you in a few months. A little best friend forever and ever," he hints, just enough to appease her without giving it away.

"'Kay," Zola agrees.

Meredith puts a protective hand over her belly and smiles at him. "Good one."

"Thanks."

Zola looks up both of them, wiggling on Meredith's lap. "Potty!" she says with wide eyes.

Meredith's eyes go wide, too. "You want to go on the potty?" she asks, shocked by the request. Potty training had been an exercise in futility these past few weeks, and more pee had ended up on Meredith's shoes than anywhere else.

Zola nods and Derek quickly picks her up. "Alright, then. Let's go," he says in excitement, walking her to the bathroom.

Meredith flings off the covers and grabs her phone from the nightstand to take a picture, even though she knows any potty blackmail wouldn't win them any points when Zola hit her teenage years. By the time she reaches the bathroom, Derek's already gotten her Pull-Up off and he's sitting her on the small potty seat over the toilet.

Before Meredith even has the chance to sing the usual 'pee-pee in the potty' chant, Zola's already doing just that. Derek wraps his arm around Meredith's shoulder as they sit on the ledge of the bathtub, and Meredith seizes the opportunity to get the photo she was entitled to as a parent. "Zo, smile for Mommy!"

Zola happily cheeses it up for the camera, and Meredith snaps the picture. "Good job, Zo!" Derek cheers.

"I pee!" Zola announces, clapping for herself.

"Yes, you did! We're so proud of you, Zozo!" Meredith says.

She and Derek kneel down in front of the toilet and hug Zola tight. "Now she can teach her little brother or sister one day," Derek says over Zola's shoulder.

"Yeah," Meredith says, breathing in Zola's strawberry scented curls and trying not to cry.

"I done," Zola tells them.

Derek lifts her off the toilet and holds out his hand. "High five," he says, smiling when Zola smacks her hand against his in celebration.

"Can you wipe her? I'll go get her some panties," Meredith says, sniffling back the tears that came despite her best efforts to fight them off.

"Yeah."

Meredith goes out into the hall and takes a few seconds to stand in the doorway of the room she'd designated as baby number two's future nursery. She can already picture the rocking chair in the corner where she would nurse, the closet full of newborn clothes, and socks no bigger than her palm. Even the baby's face is etched behind her eyelids. Blue eyes, dark hair, and a sprinkling of freckles over his or her nose, someone so beautiful that she would spend hours just staring at, memorizing every perfect detail.

"I know you're really small. Smaller than a grain of rice, I think. But Daddy and I, we're already in love with you. And your big sister will be, too. So don't go anywhere, okay? We can do this. I know we can," she whispers to the tiny person a few inches under her hand.

Meredith smiles as she continues down the hall, walking the few steps into Zola's room, pink and bright and covered in stuffed animals. She takes a pair of Minnie Mouse panties out of Zola's dresser drawer, hoping Zola approves of the choice. She got Derek's fashion sense, too.

When Meredith returns to the bathroom, Derek is helping Zola wash her hands at the sink. He's singing a song about bubbles as she squishes the soap in her fingers, and Meredith watches the two of them in silence.

"Keen," Zola says, turning around on the stool to show Meredith her hands.

"Very good, Lovebug," Meredith says. Once Zola steps off the stool, Meredith shimmies Zola's panties on and fixes her nightgown.

"Who wants a big girl breakfast now that she goes on the potty?" Derek asks.

Zola reaches her arms up for him. "Me!"

"You do? Okay, what should we make?" he asks her, sitting her on his hip.

"Pantapes," Zola decides after pondering for a moment.

"One order of pantapes," Derek echoes. "What about you, Mer? Any cravings yet?"

Meredith laughs before noticing she does, and the realization shocks her. "Actually, yeah. I do."

"Really?"

"Egg rolls."

"Chinese food?" Derek turns around, raising his eyebrows at her. "Yeah, you're definitely... pregnant," he mouths to avoid piquing Zola's curiosity.

They reach the bottom of the stairs, and Meredith glances at the fireplace, still undecorated for Christmas. She bites her lip before she speaks. "Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to... would it be weird if we hung four stockings?" she sputters, seemingly nervous to say the words out loud.

Derek smiles as he opens the fridge. "Why wouldn't we? There's four of us now, even if one's still on the inside."

The sound of that gives her goose bumps, and she says it again. "Four of us," Meredith whispers to herself.

"We should probably hold off on the fishing pole, though, at least until we know whether to get a pink or blue one," Derek says, handing Zola her sippy cup full of apple juice. "Who knows? Maybe we'll need one of each," he adds, just to see her response.

Meredith narrows her eyes at him. "Don't even say that."

"What? The Shepherds are a fertile bunch. And my S-P-E-R-M battled birth control last time and _won_. I could've easily knocked you up with twins."

Meredith hops into a chair at the island, smiling when Derek sets a glass of orange juice in front of her. "Zo, tell Daddy he's crazy."

Zola stops drinking from her sippy cup and points at him. "Cazy," she accuses.

"Crazy, huh?" Derek asks. He holds her in one arm and tickles her with the other, both of her parents reveling in the delighted shriek of giggles she makes, ones that only escalates when he flips her up and starts blowing raspberries on her belly.

Seeing Derek with their daughter already did funny things to Meredith's insides; the thought of him with both of their babies, one in each arm, was enough to melt her heart like a popsicle, thanks to the hormone carnival that wasn't leaving town any time soon.

Her hand travels to her stomach and she rubs it slowly, already a habit. What she told April yesterday runs through her head like a mantra. _Plans never work out the way you think they're going to, especially with babies. You try and try to get pregnant, and you can't. And then a baby comes when you least expect it. Probably because you didn't plan it. Plans don't mean anything._

Life really had given as much as it had taken from her, and then some. Derek, Zola, and the little being that didn't even exist three weeks ago, all improbable fantasies, all of whom had come into her life unexpectedly, and all of whom she couldn't live without. All three reason enough to lean into the fear and have hope. And so she did.

_Something in your eyes say you're falling in, _  
_You're a part of me, you're under my skin, _  
_Every piece of me has felt so incomplete 'til you came into my life_


End file.
